Friday, April 16, 2010

Antagonism

Infuriate, indignation, interjection, anger, disharmony, soreness, animosity, exasperation, rage, wrath, fury, ire, embitterment - all these are siblings of my subject today. I am trying to study this emotion and what harm it can do to me Or do I really apprehend what harm can it do to me when I am already in this state? May be, "No" atleast not at the moment. So I chose to write this when I am in one of these states.

To begin with, I will describe my characterstics when I am infuriated with someone. I feel irritated of the situation, uneasy at heart, negative about that person's perspectives, a single more mistake of that person can make a huge growl in my heart, discontented with his/her actions, may be soon I might just conclude an impression of his/her like an imprint forever. So I might end up inseminating my mind with negativity about that person and might carry that thought for longer than that moment.

Now lets see after seeing my characterstics, how do I tend to react at the situation. Either I will be in commonly known - "Angry in" state or "Angry out" state. Just to elaborate, "Angry in" is a state when one tends to keep the anger to oneself and "angry out" is the exasperation on others. Both the states when exceeding some limit has adverse effects on relationships. But at this moment, I would not realise the adverse effects it might lead to because in this state my acceptance to the fact - "I could be possibly wrong and the other peron could be right" is gone. And the problem is that anger is not preceded by a window of some seconds to just think once more before you are drifted in the twister cyclone of anger after which it becomes difficult to come out unless the destruction has already taken place. However you would never tend to think that way naturally unless you put an effort explicitly.

It certainly becomes more difficult if the person upfront whose action or mistake made you infuriated, keep spewing fire which adds to your anger. And specially some people become cannibals in this state if there is some big reason for them to be angry leading to violence and rage.

Now studying the characterstics of an angry person, and the extremes of what this expression can lead to, I feel that one has to really work on it to get away from it. One has to develop habit of giving a window before getting into an argument. Even if you are already into it unknowingly, as it just takes a spur, try to develop a window of 10 seconds before you make any answer during the argument. This window allows you to give a second thoughts to realise the consequences and have a little much of acceptance level. In some situation, you can backcount from 20 to 1 in your heart which will eventually calm you for sometime and then you can think and respond intelligently. Your back countdown may vary according to the person you are holding your opposition against. If the other person has less patience level and high ego, you might need to backcount from 50 to 1. So this formula makes your patience level proptional to the other person's anger. This is generally because it gets difficult for you to hold on your anger if the other antagonist has high ego, low patience and short temper. But this formula surely works in most of the cases!

Remember - an argument can always end if one of the two people involved learns to work on the anger and try to hold the patience level. And as I always think - "Well timed silence has more eloquence than words". So you may always win in your arguments during the exasperation if you try holding your patience(instead of anger I would say)!

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